Helping Kids Adjust Following a Divorce
Even the smoothest of divorces will be a tough experience for all parties involved. However, children are impacted the most. Therefore, taking time to understand how a child feels following a divorce is a must for parents. At times though, it may be hard for newly divorced parents to navigate as everyone involved requires time to recover. Below are tips to help your child adjust following a divorce.
Do Not Involve Children in Conflict
Most importantly, avoid involving your children in conflict. To clarify, divorcing spouses at times may hold animosity towards one another. This is very normal. However, the parents need to shield their children from that animosity. The best way to handle disagreements with the other parent is to keep your children out of it. In addition, divorcing parents should not discuss their personal drama with their child or children. Lastly, parents cannot paint a bad picture about the other parent. Creating a bias around any parent could be detrimental to children. Children deserve to love both parents and not feel ashamed for it.
A Good Support System
This point cannot be stressed enough really. A good support system in general is an important factor to a healthy life. Certainly, a good support system will help your child adjust to his or her new life. Often, a divorce can have lingering effects on the children involved and having strong family support will go a long way. Furthermore, close friends can provide support too. Besides just the children, the adults involved in divorce cases need to assure support around them as well as their children. The good news is that there are a ton of programs out there which are meant to lend help to divorced parents. Above all, there is no such thing as too much support in regard to you and your family.
Avoid Using Your Child as a Messenger
Once again, after a divorce take place, divorcing spouses may hold animosity towards each other. No matter the specific issue, divorcing parents may not want to communicate with one another. Therefore, to get around speaking to each other, they may use their child as a “messenger”. Not only is this awful for children, if you get involved in the court system again, such actions will be strongly condemned by the judge. Instead, use text, email, or the family communication programs such as Our Family Wizard or Talking Parents.
Be Reasonable
Lastly, this is most often overlooked by newly divorced parents. After a divorce occurs, it may be assumed that many changes will take place in your life. Above all things, make sure to be reasonable with your expectations in life. Often, a divorce brings with it new challenges that take time and effort to address them. Therefore, be patient with yourself as you adjust and do not put too much pressure on yourself. Again, the child involved is the most important factor. Therefore, in order for you to take care of them you must be able to for yourself as well.
